Reviewing 'The Happiest Times'

'The Happiest Times', a podcast by Joey Kidney, has been a podcast that I've come back to several times this past week. I never really listened to podcasts as I never knew what to do while listening to podcasts, but I found out after trying to draw and doodle, that podcasts are meant to just be listened to for me. I don't really have to do anything. I can just be, and listen.

I was introduced to this podcast earlier in the week while I was at work. My role at work is often a 'floater' type position, where I do anything around the store that they need at the time, and for the first time, I was doing drive-up orders, running carts in and out of the store. Exhausted, break time came around and my favorite chair was open, awaiting me.

Sitting towards the center of the room, I overheard a girl I'd wanted to talk to for a while, talking openly and invested in a conversation with another guy in the store. I took a moment to appreciate how honest and vulnerable they were being with one another, but then opened up my phone to text a college acquaintance I'd reached out to earlier in the day, inquiring about a book she was reading that piqued my interest.

I began to type my response, delighted that the book was 'Be Here Now' by Ram Dass, a book that I'd been wanting to read for a while. As soon as I typed the word 'book' into my phone, it was like my brain was being processed in real life, and I had one of those moments that felt like fate as the girl a few tables down said 'I love to read books." Alert, I looked up and at her, beginning to listen to what she was saying, and as the guy that she was in conversation with left, I called out to her. I don't even really remember much of what I said or how I said it, but I felt a strong inclination to talk to her. She spoke about a podcast that she was listening to on narcissism recovery, and it just felt right for me to listen to.

She told me about her passion in mental health, opened up a little bit about herself, and books that were her favorites. After talking for a little bit about shared interests, she suggested, "You know, if you really like podcasts, you should check out 'The Happiest Times', by Joey Kidney." When I got home, needing to take some time for mental health, I listened to both of the podcasts. Narcissism Recovery helped me realize so much about my past and draw some conclusions about situations I'd been in and it was really necessary at the time that I needed it. Before I knew it, I was taking out my sketchbook, usually reserved for drawings and writing personal notes.

After a few episodes of the podcast, I listened to 'The Happiest Times'. It took a while for me to warm up to, as I have recently been trying to overcome trust issues regarding men, but I finally was able to settle down, tell myself that I was safe, and earnestly listen to Joey speak. The episode was called 'The Hardest Part About Falling in Love', and while he spoke, I could relate to a lot of what he was saying. Mainly about chasing (which inspired the post on my 'personal' page) and how he was able to find love.

This episode stuck out to me and filled me with a sense of hope. For a really long time, I had been struggling with how I was ever going to open up cohesively to a partner about the things that I had been through. It all felt so complex and I couldn't just narrow down pieces of my life that have been developmental to my character without talking probably for hours. It was something that genuinely worried me, but after writing down after hearing certain subjects that he could relate on, and hearing him say that it has taken him years to even open up and get through some of the struggles he's been dealing with, it filled me with a more hope. He mentioned in one part that "You don't have to have a sitting session with someone and just spill everything all at once, if you're the type of person, then sure, but you can also just take things at your own pace and slowly work on them."

I've listened to a few episodes afterwards and have found that I really enjoy the podcast, and enjoy listening to podcasts in general. I've always felt that I had sort of an obligation to speak in conversations when I really just like listening (it's something I'm working on and realized that this can be kind of toxic as I am not really listening to what a person is saying), but being able to just lay in bed and hear someone's voice, hearing someone talk so openly, well, it's like having a friend, without having to speak or give any kind of input. It's comforting, and in finding this, I've been able to re-find my deep appreciation for music and its shared vulnerability.

Today, I listened to an episode called 'Why You Need to Trust Your Gut', and realized something pretty profound and was given perspective. Joey said "You get so caught up in how bad a person was that you were with, but you don't ever stop to think why you stayed, and it was fear. Fear of your personal strength and potential independently." He was absolutely right. It was something that I had been getting caught up in for a while. He talked about how our gut knows what we want to eat and when we want to eat it, but how our mind comes up with every possible outcome to try and shrink that feeling, when our gut just knows it in the first place.

I read a part of a blog post earlier that spoke about exactly the same thing, in that explaining ourselves robs ourselves of empowerment. Our minds rarely do the full work when making a decision, rather our gut has this sort of deep trust and knowing; it has been building up instincts and intuition. As we question the choices that we have made, we further move away from trusting ourselves. I'd been working on growing and developing my intuition last year and it was arguably the work that got me out of a toxic situation. I realized that it's a topic I'd like to come back to and the importance of continuing to develop my intuition.

I digress, but overall, this podcast has been really good and very insightful. This, along with the book I'm reading, has been helping me out in recognizing patterns, making sense of my past thought processes, and helping me become less fearful and more open with myself. Before, I was so scared and avoidant of doing certain things for fear of "the inner work being too hard". But today, for the first time in a long time, I laid on my sister's bed, closed my eyes, and listened to music. The feeling that I had was so freeing and beautiful. So while the inner work gets hard, I've realized that it's so so worth it.